I counted pennies under the crib
I would sleep in until I was eight years old.
My Daddy was the Devil. My Mama was a Saint.
There were days it seemed like the sky was blue.
Others, like everyone was caught up in their own
Issues and problems. Screaming and fights and prayers.
We said them daily as my grandfather was a preacher.
We used the outhouse outside where were watched him
Cut up fish and take the guts out. My cousin and I would
Fight over who got to “pop” the stomach.
We road our bikes down Bethlehem drive.
Like I was Jesus. Stuck between the warfare that would
Come before me. Its like God had a plan the whole time-
Something global on a bigger level in order
To expand the consciousness to another transition.
Someone would sing my lullaby. I heard the lyrics
Counting pennies under the crib. I knew someone would sing my song.
Why my sister hated me. Why she said she wanted to be a song writer
That one time and I thought it was odd
Because I wasn’t trying to write poetry.
Not back then but its like the devil kept coking me
Like I could feel his hands on my neck and I just wanted to know
What has happening because it felt like it was on another level.
I got baptize on my own terms when I was 19 because
I wanted to. Like I needed to in order to have the right protection
Against the demons trying to stop me. Those hurting innocence.
Like I knew when I was eight years old watching the news
And them calling children liars for trying to expose rape.
Like there was a calling when it started asking us to speak.
There counting pennies thinking of my Dad.
I knew how hard he worked. I knew the struggles of dysfunctional
And mental health issues that no one wanted to talk about.
It was shameful and disgraceful but no one had problems raping kids.
Wasn’t that just the 80’s and don’t get it twisted because it wasn’t just Russian persists.
The were white guys too. Those that preyed on religious girls
Because religious girls always forgive.
This world had us all fucked up like there was a need
For proof from God. That we needed to change.
To wake up and start talking accountability for the actions we choose.
Like it was our responsibility to pass down morals and values.
Caring about human life and social issues.
Not because it was cool but because we had woke up in the darkness.