It was awkward. You can not deny that.
I wanted more and felt spilt between dreams-
It was all crumbling. I knew it had to start somewhere.
I didn’t know what the future was holding for me
Every week felt like tumbling dust and despair
That forever will be remember as 2020
And things changed. Even though there was love once
I wasn’t the same. I didn’t feel anything the same.
I lost my Dad. I wanted to remember his legacy
Honestly. I fought that for months. How do I talk about it
Without ever awaiting the judgment waiting for me.
It would come either way it always felt.
Either from the right or left side.
Opinions and attempts of sabotage and it all got so old-
They didn’t like me cause I didn’t do drugs
Nor wanted to get into trouble with the law.
I wanted justice I knew that. I had a social consciousness
That kept me awake at night- every day.
I heard innocence that I wanted to save
But I had no control over these things.
I had prayer and chance that I would be heard.
Whatever that was suppose to mean
In the legacies and legends that foretold
Of glory. I was a mixture of bitter and resentful
For the past and all that was lost.
The changing vision; I was sad but than I got angry
Though that was the thing
Just because it wasn’t meant to be
Didn’t mean that there wasn’t love
Like I would not have understood and his Dad
Tried to tell it me he wasn’t “going to fuck me.”
I wasn’t asking for sex. I wanted the truth-
My sunglasses and my shit back. Thats how you get closure-
Say goodbye and learn to one day be friends,
But it was so obvious that he moved on.
That there was someone else
And instead he just kept throwing draggers
Like he didn’t have a heart or know what love was.
Yet it all looked so picture perfect.
I was mad because he found someone else
And he was mad because I deleted the account
That meant nothing to me but memories
I was betting on a dream I found myself
No longer wanting. I wanted to be me.
Messing, and crazy, even if I wasn’t perfect
And that was okay. I just wanted to be loved
Even if it wasn’t going to last forever.