Picture Perfect

It was awkward. You can not deny that. 

I wanted more and felt spilt between dreams-

It was all crumbling. I knew it had to start somewhere.

I didn’t know what the future was holding for me 

Every week felt like tumbling dust and despair 

That forever will be remember as 2020

And things changed. Even though there was love once

I wasn’t the same. I didn’t feel anything the same. 

I lost my Dad. I wanted to remember his legacy 

Honestly. I fought that for months. How do I talk about it

Without ever awaiting the judgment waiting for me. 

It would come either way it always felt. 

Either from the right or left side. 

Opinions and attempts of sabotage and it all got so old-

They didn’t like me cause I didn’t do drugs

Nor wanted to get into trouble with the law.

I wanted justice I knew that. I had a social consciousness

That kept me awake at night- every day. 

I heard innocence that I wanted to save 

But I had no control over these things. 

I had prayer and chance that I would be heard. 

Whatever that was suppose to mean 

In the legacies and legends that foretold 

Of glory. I was a mixture of bitter and resentful 

For the past and all that was lost.

The changing vision; I was sad but than I got angry

Though that was the thing 

Just because it wasn’t meant to be 

Didn’t mean that there wasn’t love 

Like I would not have understood and his Dad 

Tried to tell it me he wasn’t “going to fuck me.” 

I wasn’t asking for sex. I wanted the truth-

My sunglasses and my shit back. Thats how you get closure-

Say goodbye and learn to one day be friends,

But it was so obvious that he moved on.

That there was someone else

And instead he just kept throwing draggers 

Like he didn’t have a heart or know what love was. 

Yet it all looked so picture perfect. 

I was mad because he found someone else

And he was mad because I deleted the account

That meant nothing to me but memories 

I was betting on a dream I found myself 

No longer wanting. I wanted to be me.

Messing, and crazy, even if I wasn’t perfect

And that was okay. I just wanted to be loved 

Even if it wasn’t going to last forever. 

Published by Ms. Selective

Traveling Gypse with a Heartfelt Spirit.

%d bloggers like this: